My legs were asleep.
A common enough occurrence. Sometimes when I’m sitting, I lean forward and put my elbows on my thighs, to read or watch something. I don’t have to stay in that position for long, and when I straighten back up, I can tell my legs are numb.
Then when I try to stand up, it almost feels as if I can’t. It feels week. It aches. It takes a minute to get the feeling back in my leg. It hurts.
I used to think this was from cutting off circulation to my leg. But since I have access to a world of information on my phone, I looked it up. Turns out, it’s something called “positional paresthesia.” According to the first article I found (I didn’t think it was worth in-depth research), “Leg sleep,” the common term for positional paresthesia, happens when there is sustained pressure on a nerve that disrupts it’s “feeling,’’ or signaling.
What’s really creepy – and maybe this has happened to you (please tell me it has, and that it’s not just me!) – is waking up in the middle of the night and feeling this thing under my pillow that feels like a rubber hand, only to realize it’s mine, and it’s so “asleep” that I have no feeling in it, and when I touch it it’s like finding a fake hand made out of rubber under my pillow.
The feeling doesn’t last long. As soon as the pressure is released, the nerves start tingling and burning as they come back to life. In the case of a hand, I shake it and shake it to get past this “awakening” until it finally feels like my hand again. But it’s a weird feeling, as I said; it’s uncomfortable. It can actually be painful as the nerves come back to life.
Really, all that’s happening is my body is healing itself. When you think about it, any kind of healing usually hurts. There is a reason the doctors give you pain medicine after surgery. Those morphine pumps after major surgery are sometimes the only relief you get in the immediate after-effect of some operation that puts your body in a position to heal. Because healing hurts.
The Gospel of Jesus can be like that. It should change your life, and change is rarely easy. Learning to live the way Jesus wants us to, the way the Bible says to live, the way we were created to live, is very often against how we want to live, how we’ve lived most of our life, sometimes even how we like to live.
And why shouldn’t it be uncomfortable? We’ve tried to live without God for so long that when we finally decide to follow Jesus and His teaching, it is an adjustment. You may find that things you used to do without thinking, suddenly you find yourself thinking about before you either do them again or decide not to do them. Your friends may wonder why suddenly you’re not joining in with them in things you’ve always done, and when you explain why you would rather not do it they make fun of you, or at least wonder how long this ‘fad’ will last.
Just like the nerves coming back to life in my leg, when I realize I need to live the way the Bible says I was created to live, it can feel awkward. It’s sometimes hard to make a stand, to take the first few steps.
In the Christian faith, we call conversion being “saved.” We’ll even ask the question, “have you been saved?” “Tell me about when you were saved.”
I am told the name “Jesus” means “God saves.” In the birth story of Jesus, in both Matthew and Luke, it says “You shall call his name ‘Jesus,’ for he will save his people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:21).
Sometimes I think I use this word “saved,” particularly in a church context, way too casually. The word ‘salvation’ – another of those religious terms we throw around – means “preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss.” It’s the word the Jewish historian Josephus used to refer to the deliverance of the Israelites from their slavery in Egypt.
In my faith, ‘salvation’ or being saved means I believe I have been delivered from the fear of death and the penalty for my wrong-doing (sin).
That’s really amazing. We’re literally being brought from death to life. In fact, we no longer have to fear death, because – as the old spiritual says – “ain’t no grave gonna keep my body down.”
I don’t fully understand all the intricacies of how it works. But I believe in it. I can look at my life and see how it has changed me, from the way I once was to the way I am. Not that I have achieved perfection. The Apostle Paul says in Philippians 3, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” If Paul, late in his life, says he’s not obtained perfection, then I know I’m certainly not there.
There is a great example of this change in the New Testament.
In the list of the men Jesus called to be his 12 disciples, (Mark 3) included in the 12 were “James son of Zebedee and his brother John (to them he gave the name Boanerges, which means “sons of thunder”).” That could possibly mean that Zebedee was a man of temper, but I think it more probably means that James and John were hot-headed, easily provoked.
The best example may be in Luke 9, where it says Jesus “sent messengers on ahead, who went into a Samaritan village to get things ready for him; but the people there did not welcome him, because he was heading for Jerusalem. When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?”
That sounds like “sons of thunder” to me. “They don’t accept us? Let us call down fire and show these people a thing or two about who they’re dealing with here!” A very human reaction.
The passage goes on to say “But Jesus turned and rebuked them.”
Jesus rebuked them. That had to hurt. It wasn’t the first time Jesus had to call them out. It seems they were a bit slow to learn, and the learning was sometimes painful.
But Jesus didn’t used their mistakes to exclude them from discipleship. Today we might have shunned them. “Hey, watch out for James and John. They may go off on somebody at a moment’s notice. We better keep them away from the crowds.”
Jesus simply understood James and John needed more training. And their transformation was evident.
James became the first of the 12 disciples to be martyred (Acts 12:2). But his brother, John - by the end of his life John was known not as “Son of Thunder” but “the apostle of love,’’ referencing love in his Gospel and first letter more than any other New Testament writer. That’s a far cry from wanting to call down fire from heaven to destroy an entire village.
Our world says “People don’t change.”
But when people follow Jesus, Jesus changes them.
Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it feels like we’re going against our very nature (which we are). Sometimes people refuse to believe it’s real. Sometimes it doesn’t seem “fair,’’ and we make excuses for the way we behave saying, “That’s just how God made me.”
But no, God made you and me to be perfect. He loved us enough to let us make our own choices, knowing full well those choices could lead to all kinds of pain and suffering, but also knowing – I believe, and I could be wrong – that for love to be real, it can’t be coerced.
If we did not have the ability to reject God, then neither would we have the ability to truly love Him. Some theologians go so far as to say that human freedom is the highest good and that even God will not violate it. Genuine love and genuine good can only exist in a world where there is an opportunity for genuine rejection and genuine evil.
That’s a discussion for another day, for people far smarter than I.
All I know is, when people follow Jesus, Jesus changes them.
Even if it hurts.
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