Revenge of the Nerds

I keep wondering if Mr. Jabbar would be proud.
This week I'm in San Diego, attending the 243rd American Chemical Society National Meeting and Exhibition. That number - 243 - is kind of hard to believe. If this is an annual event, it means they've been holding these things somewhere since 1769.
What is less impressive is that is about the only number I've understood in two days of attending seminars, listening to topics like "Biodegradation of armoatic and saturated hydrocarbons associated with oil in the water column" and "Chemical characterization and acute toxicity of water accommodated fractions from artificially weathered and field weathered MC252 oils."
I've never heard so much and understood so little.
But there is whimsy. I'm sorry to say I missed the presentation on "Lost in Translation: Why Lies, Metaphors, and Mixed Messages are Essential to Communicating Science."
I also missed "The Disappearing Spoon and Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and History from the Periodic Table."
Which brings me back to Mr. Jabbar.
The last science class I have any memory of taking was 10th Grade Chemistry, under Mr. Jabbar. The reason I have such fond memories of this class is that occasionally Mr. Jabbar allowed me to take him down a rabbit trail that had nothing to do with chemistry. He always had a quote from some philosopher on the blackboard - usually Kahlil Gibran (who, as it turns out, was not related to former Chicago Bears coach Abe Gibron, much to my dismay) - and, being a know-it-all, I would engage him in a discussion of whatever saying he posted, particularly if I could find reason to disagree with it.
Another interesting thing about Mr. Jabbar was that he was of Arabic descent, and (this being the early 1970s, not long after the 1967 Six Day War) another favorite topic between us was Palestine, and the conflict between the Arabs and Israel. He was the first person I'd ever met who argued for the Arabs.
Needless to say, I enjoyed chemistry on those days. So, apparently, did many of my classmates who - needing to catch up on homework or take a nap- would sometimes ask me to get Mr. Jabbar distracted with "one of those stupid discussions'' so they could get a break.
I didn't learn much chemistry. In fact, one day Mr. Jabbar asked me to hang around for a minute after class. It turns out he was worried about one of my friends who was also in that same class. Mr. Jabbar wanted me to encourage my friend, who was not doing very well in this class.
I remember saying to Mr. Jabbar, "Him? I'm not doing very well in this either!"
To which Mr. Jabbar replied with something I remember to this day. He said, "Ray, you're going to pass. You don't need to know chemistry because you're going to do all right in whatever you do. But (friend) doesn't have much going for him and he needs all the help he can get."
That says something about the people I hung around with, doesn't it?
Now maybe, in retrospect, that wasn't being a very good teacher. I can already hear parents screaming.
However, I appreciated that a teacher recognized my gifts were not in science and math but that I might be good in other areas, and that science and math were just boxes I had to check in order to get on to whatever I was going to do. He was affirming the fact that I was going to get my check mark, and that I needed to really pursue the other areas where I had some measure of ability.
Needless to say, my academic history is significant in my ability to navigate to a college degree and some graduate school while taking the absolute minimum of math and science. At the University of Georgia, I once stupidly signed up for a course in "logic,'' convinced this would be a fun course filled with discussing great ideas. Turns out it was a bunch of mathematical formulas, and after the second class I was down at 'drop-add' doing just that.

But back to today: this is a huge convention. It fills the San Diego Convention Center and several surrounded hotels. Even the reporters covering this stuff are smart - I got a card today from a reporter from "Chemical and Engineering News" who has a Ph.D. I never came across one of those in 25 years of covering sports.

I did engage this one major geek in a sports conversation, and even these guys do sports differently. He told me he and his wife decided to run marathons as a way to travel and see the world. So six months after they started, they were running marathons.
But not normal marathons. Apparently, there is this marathon in France through the wine country, and at every mile there is a table filled with shots of the local wine. All the marathoners stop and take a quick hit before continuing their run.
Yes, he said he was very dehydrated at the end of the marathon. In fact, he couldn't remember crossing the finish line.
They've inspired me, however. Next year, I'm presenting a paper on the "Degrading Properties of Ground Water."
You know - ground water; water that's passed through the turbines of  a dam. My theory is that once it's passed through the turbines and been ground up, it's no longer any good for producing electricity, which is why you can't have multiple dams on a given river.
I need a co-author.
I wonder if Mr. Jabbar is still around?