Equality and being special

We've got a problem in our culture.

Well, OK we have a lot of problems.

But I'm thinking of one that seems to me to be a pretty difficult one for us to overcome right now.

We all want equality.

But we also all want to be special.

So if I'm a minority, I want to be treated "like everyone else."

But I also want to be celebrated and recognized for my "minority-ness" (which I know is not a word).

If I'm LGBT, then I want to be treated like everyone else (meaning "straight" people).

But I also want to be celebrated and recognized for my "LGBT-ness."

And the problem is, you can't NOT like someone simply because you might find their personality, or their opinions, offensive. If you do disagree with them, it's because they are a minority, or female (if you're a male), or LGBT, or a Muslim, or a Hindu, or whatever.

When I hear Donald Trump called a "misogynist" for the way he insults some women, I think "wait! Isn't he just treating women the way he treats men? He seems to insult everyone pretty equally - remember "little Marco" and "Lyin' Ted"?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm offended by The Donald's disrespect of some women. I was raised to treat women special, with respect. Of course, that apparently offends some women, too - I'm a chauvinist, apparently. I hold a door open for lady and suddenly I'm treating her like she's weak or inferior.

But it's tough to try to have it - or give it - both ways.

You try to have a legitimate discussion with someone over why you disagree with the policies of President Obama, and it's because you're racist.

If you say you can't support Hillary Clinton for president, you're a misogynist.

If you try to argue against gambling, or gay marriage, or abortion, it's because you're a Bible-thumper.

If you want to suggest that the environment is not as fragile as some folks would have us believe, you're a "climate denier" (but who can deny there is a climate?).

And sometimes those labels are correct.

It sure makes the idea of 'equality' seem a long way off. Apparently we can only be "equal" if we agree.

To quote William F. Buckley, “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views” - only it's not just "Liberals" who feel that way these days.

Way back in the '60s, during the era of the Civil Rights movement, I remember a wise old man telling me, "Equality won't be achieved when everyone can get into the same restaurant regardless of the color of their skin. Equality will only be achieved when anyone can get thrown out of that same restaurant, and it never occurs to anyone that it's because of the color of their skin."

There is some truth to that.

But we're all the stars of our own lives, the central character around whom everyone and everything else revolves. That makes it very difficult for most of us to see other people without some form of judgment - particularly when we're so busy trying to be judged as both "equal" yet "special" and both require comparing ourselves to those around us.

It's interesting that in the last 50 years our standard of living has increased dramatically (at least in the Western world), to the point that our "poor" would be middle class - at the very least - in most other countries of the world. Yet study after study say that our "happiness" has stayed level, while mental illnesses, anxiety disorders, narcissism, and depression have all gone up.

One of the things we celebrate the most about being "Americans" is the idea that we have "opportunity." Even those who argue that there are classes of people who have been denied "opportunity" want to give them "opportunity," and in what other nation of the world do people believe that "opportunity" can be awarded so easily (with the recognition of a protest or outcome of an election) as the United States?

At the same time, the greater the opportunity, the greater the possibility of somehow blowing it, of not achieving it.

And because failure implies we're not as good as someone else, we have to find someone else to blame.

Thanks to worldwide communication - radio, movies, TV, magazines, the internet - we are constantly reminded of what we don't have, of where we have come up short, of who has more than us, looks better, lives nicer, seems happier. In short, it's impossible not to be constantly aware of people who seem simply better.

So we fight back. We demand to be recognized. We have social media platforms to tell everyone about everything we do so they can tell us "good job" or "way to go" or "you're being so mistreated" or "you deserve better" or even just the ubiquitous "I'm praying for you."

You undoubtedly known people who have travelled to some third-world country and come back talking about how much happier those folks are despite their poverty, their lack of medicine and clean water and education. And they come back telling us how we'd all be so much happier if we could just learn to live more simply, or to be content with less.

I disagree. I don't think people in less-developed countries are "happier;" they certainly haven't, like lost tribes of Amish, foresworn the goods and services we enjoy here in the West. I think we envy them because they're just less stressed; and they are less stressed because they don't have as many options and are more accepting and community oriented because that's how they survive.

It seems to me that, for us, it's getting harder and harder to be content because every minute of every day we're faced with some reason to be discontented. Fear sells. Our Western culture, to a large degree, is run on people feeling inadequate and inferior and desiring to find or buy something that makes them feel better about themselves.

At the same time, we're bombarded with people who tell us "Dare to be your own person and disregard what others may think." Which is, of course, a lot easier said than done.

I am beginning to realize that being special isn’t so special. You will still feel frustrated. You will still feel misunderstood. You will still feel like you missed out on something. You will not have everything you want. You will still feel like you could have done more.

The old "Protestant work ethic" or "Puritan work ethic" can and has been interpreted in a lot of ways, good and bad. To me, it always meant that we work as a means to bring glory to God; we don't work for the recognition of others or for our own glory, but as a means of worship - doing our best with what we have to be able to stand one day before God and hear Him say "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The problem, of course, is how we define what "well done" means in relationship to God as opposed to our relationship with other people. We are competitive by nature, and since we can't see God's scoreboard, we tend to create one for ourselves.

The good news, however, is that this also means we don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Including yourself. Think about that for a minute and let it sink in: You don’t have to prove anything to anybody, including yourself.

Psalm 119 says, "You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands."

In the version known as "the Message," Psalm 119 goes on to say "Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to. Let the fast-talking tricksters be exposed as frauds; they tried to sell me a bill of goods, but I kept my mind fixed on your counsel. Let those who fear you turn to me for evidence of your wise guidance. And let me live whole and holy, soul and body, so I can always walk with my head held high ..."

I like that. That's how I want to live - with my head held high, measured not by the people around me (nor measuring those who surround me), but by a standard that is "other worldly." I don't have to worry about being either equal with any one else or appreciated as being unique.

That, to me, would be truly "special."