When I first met the woman who is now my trophy wife, I told her: "I'm a guy. You're a girl. Guys lie to girls. I will lie to you."
She laughed. And didn't believe it.
Until she caught me in a lie. And when I told her I had warned her up front that I was going to lie, it didn't matter. She thought I was "kidding,'' or "being cute.''
It didn't take long to realize how important telling the truth is in any relationship, but especially one with the person you expect to be closest to for the rest of your life. It quickly became a matter of trust, something The Trophy Wife has had issues with because of things that happened prior to me, which I didn't necessarily help with my own somewhat self-centered attitude.
It didn't say a lot about my character and I have worked to be more honest.
But I started thinking about how crazy guys can get because of women.
Take religion. Have you ever thought about the problems with various religions whose central figures are married men?
The following research is extensive, or as extensive as I could do while taking a hot shower, trying to stretch out the spasms in my lower back.
Let's look at the world's major religions.
Islam: founded by Muhammed, who was married to a considerably older woman of great wealth. According to mutiple articles on Islam I found on the web, there is a popular hadith (a report of the sayings or actions of Muhammad or his companions, together with the tradition of its chain of transmission), in which "the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Lies are not appropriate except in three cases: when a man speaks to his wife to please her, telling lies at times of war, and lying in order to bring about reconciliation between people.” (Reported Hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani).
You've got to admit, that's very much a "guy" approach to the truth. According to Muhammad, it's OK to lie to your wife "to please her." It reminds me of something else I once told my future wife: "I promise I will never lie to you about anything important." What I didn't mention was that I got to determine exactly what was "important.''
Funny thing is, she didn't buy that, either.
Mormonism: perhaps the most bogus faith from a historical, archaeological, and just about any other scholarly standpoint. Joseph Smith came up with a doozy in order to convince his wife that God had ordained the practice of polygamy. According to Mormon history, Smith is reported to have married as many as 28 wives, most between the ages of 19-21. How did Smith get his first wife to go along with the idea? Tradition is he told her that God intended for the two of them to one day rule their own planet, and that the first wife would hold the position of Queen mother, ruling over a population that included later wives and all the children. Apparently, the first Mrs. Smith bought it.
Wait a minute - 28 wives, mostly between the ages of 19-21? It sounds like an early version of Hugh Hefner. Let's be honest - if that's not a guy dream, I don't know what is.
Buddhism: it's a lot harder to get back to the founder of the Eastern religions, but let's just take Siddhartha Buddha. Again, legend has it that Siddhartha was a prince, raised in a palace, surrounded by luxury, married at age 16. At age 29, he made his first venture out of the palace and was shocked at seeing so many people who were poor, hungry, uneducated, and without shelter. He was moved to do something about it and after a few unsuccessful attempts to bring aid and comfort came up with a novel idea: the answer was not to feed, clothe, educate and care for the poor, but rather to teach the poor to achieve a state in which they didn't yearn to be fed, clothed, educated or sheltered - the "cessation of want.'' (The Middle Way).
If only a guy could get his wife to understand the "cessation of want." No more clothes, shoes, furniture ... no more shopping!
Which brings me to Christianity. Central figure: Jesus. Jesus was not married. He showed no interest, possibly because - if you follow the mysticism of The Bible - he was already promised to "the Church,'' aka "The Bride of Christ." It was an arranged marraige by The Father, so all pressure was off.
By the way, I quickly learned - before I got married - whatever I gained from a lie wasn't worth it in the long run. It also said much about my character (or lack thereof), and quite frankly if I'd lied to her, or continued to shop the 19-21 year old female market after marrying her, or didn't concern myself with meeting her needs, she couldn't really trust me and I wouldn't be much of a man.
Think about it.
Now, if you want to disagree with any of my premises, feel free.
After all, I'm a guy.
And I've already said what that means.
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