Tuesday, September 27, 2011

When does "accepted" no longer mean "acceptable?"

We all understand that words have meanings.
But what those words mean often depend on the context in which they are heard or read.
I thought of that as I thought through a phrase that came to me one day, a phrase that - at the time - I really liked: "We don't go to church to be accepted; we go to church to be changed."
A few Sundays ago, in Sunday School (or Community Group as we call it, even though it will always remain "Sunday School'' to me), we were having a spirited discussion (which we often do in this class, one of the aspects of it I really enjoy) over how the church can overcome certain perceptions that exist out there.
Mostly, the perceptions lead people to feel they won't be accepted in "the church;" and that leads a lot of those people to not even want to be accepted by "church" people.
As the discussion ensued, it was easy to come up with people who had something about their lives that made them, in their day, feel like they wouldn't be accepted. Maybe they were the wrong color back in the day, or maybe they were divorced, or maybe they were known as the town drunk, or maybe they were gay.
Without question the feeling in this room was that everyone is welcome in our church, and we have to go out of our way to make everyone feel welcomed and, if not loved, then certainly liked with the potential of moving toward being loved.
At the same time, as the discussion ensued, their was the underlying, barely spoken, but very real concern that acceptance could also lead to acceptance of the actions that, in some cases, we'd describe with that out-of-date word "sin."
(Let me back up here and state unequivocally that being "black'' is not a sin. But the reality is people of color - any color - are often not welcome in churches made up of people of another color. And that works all ways: white to black, black to white, Latino to Asian ...)
This is obviously a subject with a lot of levels, and there is no way to do it justice here (anymore than we did it justice in one Sunday Scho .. er, Community Group class).
Yes, anyone and everyone should be welcomed into a church. After all, all of us that go to church have our own sins that we deal with. It's just not all are as obvious as others. Why, I myself struggle with ...
Nah. We don't know each other that well.
That led me to that statement about acceptance. Because while we should all be "accepted'' in the church, if we're just "accepted'' and allowed to stay the same, we might as well have skipped church and gone to play golf or play poker with the guys.
And there are other issues at play besides just "sin." There are cultural issues.
For example, there was a time when people who were divorced felt unacceptable to the local church. And that was clearly, unequivocally wrong. So it was good that the church started reaching out to make people who'd gone through the pain of divorce feel welcome ... except.
Except that now the divorce rate within the church is the same as those outside the church, if not higher.
Are the two related? I don't know. Just wondering.
Again, that's a whole 'nother issue that might be about people in the church becoming "real" and not as afraid of exposing their issues and - hopefully - trying to work through them together, supporting each other while still attempting to hold each other accountable to become the people faith - God - intends us to be; in other words if faith is real, we should expect to "change."
The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that we do come to church to be accepted, and we should. Our theology is based on "whosoever will may come'' and "just as I am" and ''come to me, all who are heavy-laden ..."
Thankfully, God doesn't expect us to do anything to be accepted by Him. Christian theology says we there is nothing we can do to make ourselves more acceptable to God. We don't have to pray a certain number of times a day, we don't have to adhere to strict rules of conduct. We come just as we are.
Yet we also know that while God accepts us just as we are, He won't let us remain that way.
Likewise, we are to encourage each other to change. Whatever baggage we walked into church with, God promises not to leave us holding those bags.
Because, as Paul wrote in Galatians (4:9-11), "But now that you know God - or rather are known by God - how it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? ... I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you."
If we concentrate only on accepting people in the church, but not changing them (including ourselves!), then what's the point?
We should come to the church to be accepted.
However, we need to be prepared to accept that God doesn't want us to stay the way we are when we find Him. He wants us to be so much better than we are, to be the people He created us to be.
Maybe that's what makes going to church so uncomfortable.

Now, even as I finish writing this, I can think of arguments against what I'm saying. And while I understand -and hopefully practice -- the concept of "hating the sin but loving the sinner,'' there is no question that it is a lot easier to be influenced by sin than influence the sinner.
It doesn't mean we don't try.
And I'm open to whatever comments/arguments/considerations you might have.
After all, it works better when we're all working on this together.

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