The kind of day MG would love

This would have been one of those days MG loved.
The kids were home. All of them. The house was clean. The sun was shining. We were all together.
Except, of course, we were all together in a hospital room at UAB.
But every hour seems to get better.

Today, just after lunch, MG smiled.
She looked at me, and when I took her hand and spoke to her she smiled - a crooked smile wrapped around a ventilator tube, but a smile just the same.

She laughed.
SB was with me. The kids had come up before lunch, but MG was so out of it that the four of us just went and had lunch together, laughing and catching up. Afterward, the boys went off in one direction and SB and I went back up to see MG. We walked in and MG smiled at me. It was the most awake I've seen her since the accident. Then SB spoke to her, and I said something that I assume was funny - I have no idea of what it was - and she laughed.

She cried.
As MG wakes up, the pain becomes more real. It's both the blessing and the curse of being aware. When she was knocked out or heavily medicated, she was probably still in pain but didn't feel it. However, if MG is going to come back to "life" then she's going to have to feel pain. Whether we like it or not, pain is just as much a part of life as laughing and smiling.

She grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go.
MG and I have always held hands. Even now, coming up on 22 years of being married; even in those times when there was some tension or hurt between us, we hold hands. I don't remember my parents holding hands. I don't think MG's parents did either - at least not like this. Sometimes I am very self-conscious as we walk through the mall or across a parking lot, holding hands like a couple of school kids experiencing the thrill of some kind of  physical contact. It wasn't my idea, I promise you. But MG has always made a point of holding my hand, of not letting me not hold her hand, regardless of how we might be feeling towards each other at any given moment. So this was good. I felt needed. No, I felt rewarded.

She got mad.
Oh, did MG get mad. The ventilator is really annoying. She has to be on it for another day. Maybe until Friday. I understand it. But a tube down your throat? The nurses came to adjust the strap holding the ventilator in place, and MG fought them. They said it was a good sign. In fact, one of the nurses said that, given how strong MG fought, MG might be one of those who might do better off the ventilator.

Her blood pressure dropped.
Twice, actually. I had left the hospital to run some errands that I had left undone. The nurse told me, "Go on, we'll take good care of her. She'll be fine." When I came back, they told me that her blood pressure had dropped twice. In the end, they decided she'd had an allergic reaction to one of the medicines. Twice she'd been given the medicine, twice her blood pressure dropped. Since giving MG an alternative medication, her blood pressure has steadily improved. But it was a reminder that you really can't take anything for granted. She's in the trauma unit for a reason. These monitors and wires and - yes, even the ventilator - have their purpose, and it's a good thing. Even if it's incredibly annoying.

People often ask me about the guy that hit MG.
I don't focus much on him. I have the police report. I know the details of how old he is, where he was coming from, where he lives and works and that he doesn't have insurance. I have been told his blood alcohol level was extremely high. And I know he's been charged with felony assault.
The police said the District Attorney's office would be in touch with me at some point. I asked if that was necessary, because I just don't care. I'll do whatever they want, but I don't really care. I've had at least one lawyer call me. At some point, I guess I'll have to get more involved, but not right now.
This is, however, why I believe in Free Will. I don't think God intended for this guy to smash into my wife's car. I believe this guy made a choice, a bad choice. I believe God is in control. But I don't believe God intended for Adam and Eve to sin; they had a choice. I don't believe God intended for this guy to do what he did; he had a choice.
I go back to the whole Job thing - what's the point of the story if Job wasn't a free agent with the ability to (as his wife suggested) "curse God and die?" For whatever reason, I believe God has put His reputation in our puny hands to prove to Satan that God's love wins in the end.
I pray that I can win my battle for God, just like Job won his.
At the same time, I know God can take the bad choices we humans make and make something good out of them. I look at what has happened to my wife, my family this week, and all the actions and repercussions, and I want to say "See? There's God at work there! And there! And this is what God is doing here!"
However, I don't know that God is as obvious as we think He is. I might think I know the lesson God is trying to teach me in all this, but I could be absolutely wrong. I might think I see the good that is coming from this, but honestly I can't know for sure.
All I know is that God is at work. He redeems all things for His glory.
Even drunk drivers.

I imagine that time has no meaning for MG. She can't possibly have any idea how many days she's been in here (heck, I can't remember what day it is). She sleeps, she wakes. Nurses change things. Doctors look her over. Friends come and stand by her bed and talk. Her husband sits by her bed, holding her hand. But it is day? Night? Does she wake up from every nap wondering if it's a new day? Does she wake up in the morning of a new day wondering if she's just had another nap?
Does she hear voices while half-asleep? Everyone says she won't remember this, she won't remember that ... but when does the memory kick in? What will she remember?
Today, we were talking about how much she was aware of. I was asked she was responsive to me.
I said before today I could ask her questions and she'd nod her head, but I don't know if she really understood - like the time I said to her, "Don't I look like Brad Pitt?"" and she nodded her head.
My friend said, "Won't it be funny if she wakes up and thinks Brad Pitt actually came to see her?"
Another friend said, "And won't she be mad when she realizes it was just you?"

I'm going to take a break from the blog for a couple days. Unless I think of something I really need to share. I  appreciate all the love and support and encouragement I've received over this.
We've got a long road ahead. I'm happy to continue to share that road with you.
But give me a few days to recharge.