Still so many limitations

The writing comes in spurts.
But then, that's because when I stopped writing for money I was determined not to be bound by the pressure of deadlines or expectations. I made up my mind to write when I felt like it, selfishly for my own enjoyment more than anything else.
Then came the accident, and I began to write as a way to process what I was going through as well as to keep family and friends informed. The blog apparently resonated and went far beyond that limited scope, and I'm thankful that people identified and cared and - most importantly - prayed. We've felt that support.
It also connected me to a wide range of people who have shared and are sharing their own sometimes difficult journeys. As an example, I encourage you to follow my friend Andi in her story here at AndiAnswers (formerly Wifeandmomuniversity).
Fortunately, we're out of the critical part of the journey, and we're settling into what I'll call for lack of a better phrase the "discovering normal" phase. There is not that much to report every day or every week, and yet for family and close friends I realize I made this the place for updates, so I need to provide those updates.
So here goes:

I slept with MG last weekend.
And by "slept" I mean that for the first time since the night before the accident, my wife and I slept in the same bed. The hospital bed that had been her uncomfortable nest since May 12 - the day she came back home - had become increasingly unbearable to the point of feeling nearly uninhabitable, so we decided to try a night in the "big bed" (as The Heir said when he walked in the next morning: "Mom! You slept in the big girl bed! Good for you!")
By the time I got home again from my weekly sojourn to the coast, the hospital bed was gone. Our once-over sized bedroom that had grown so small with all the extra furniture again felt big. MG was sleeping on her side of the bed again, a great sign of returning to some measure of "normal."
She's finished in-home physical therapy and begun to go to out-patient therapy, another huge sign of progress.
She's walking with a cane - sometimes a walker - but not using the wheelchair for anything other than just minimal needs now.
We bought a new orthotic that is smaller and lighter, and we're hopeful it will give MG a few more options in shoes (if you don't know the shoe story, see "Hell on heels'' here. )
We've run errands, driving to the store. MG has walked through stores and shopped with me and friends. She tires quickly, and there is a constant tension between "going" and "going too far." MG knows she needs to build up muscle, but at the same time she has been told not to push too hard. It's just that no one can tell us where that fine line is.
MG has taken to coming out and sitting on the sofa in the living room, and on Saturday's sits and watches old westerns with me on those high-number cable channels where you can find classic shows like "The Rifleman" and "Bonanza." I've introduced her into the addictive joy of analyzing the personalities on "The Big Valley" and the amazing problems that one family gets itself into episode after episode.

Yet there remain so many limitations.
The nerve damage in her left leg remains. We've been to a neurologist who did tests to establish a baseline, and the results were mixed: there was sign of impulse in some areas that feel dead, yet there is indication that more nerves were affected than we thought and, as of right now, are not responding.
The good news is that we can go back to the neurologist in a few months for another test and see if there is progress being made in the nerve rejuvenation. As the neurologist said, when nerves are damaged or stressed, they get angry and tend to stay angry for a long time, and three months is not really long enough (as much as we'd like it to be).
But the big issue remains the pain.
The pain is constant. At night, in particular, it's worse, but apparently it never goes away. It hurts to sit, it hurts to lie down, it turns to turn on the right side, it hurts to turn to the left, it hurts to walk.
It's depressing. It is easy to see how people who deal with chronic pain consider extreme measures to deal with that; how it can even lead to consider drastic measures (that MG is not considering, just to be clear, but it is understandable).

People are well-meaning. We had a guy from a local church who knew nothing about what had happened to MG, nothing about the extent of her injuries, who saw us out one day and asked us if he could pray for MG. We, of course, said yes, and the young man immediately put his hands on MG and prayed fervently for the pain to go away; he even commanded the pain "in the name of Jesus" to "not just move to another location, but to leave the body completely." He was sincere and I assume prayed in full faith.
When he finished, he asked MG if she was still in pain.
She was.
He was disappointed.
Maybe it was my fault, because I was dubious from the beginning. Not that I don't believe Jesus can remove pain completely, but God wasn't willing to spare Jesus of the pain of the cross, so pain must serve a purpose. I believe pain is there to remind us that things are not right ... whether it is simply age or injury, pain tells us things are not right, that we live in a fallen world, and there is only one ultimate cure.
That isn't to say I want MG - or anyone else, for that matter - to be in pain. I pray constantly for the pain to go away, or lessen, or that God see fit to give MG some relief even if only temporary.
And that leads into a whole discussion of faith .... is my faith not strong enough? Was this man's faith outside the bounds of what God wants?
All I know is that I do believe. However, I also felt bad for this guy who was so sincere and so disappointed that his prayer didn't "work." And I was bothered that he'd stop us like that without knowing anything about us and decide to 'fix' what he knew nothing about.
That's why it seems to me so important to develop relationships. You just can't drop in and with one prayer or one offering or one project 'fix' someones life. Well, you CAN, but I've found it to be very rare. Instead, we need to be willing - as many of you have with MG to my eternal thankfulness - to walk alongside during the journey.

We're a long way from over, I hope. I still hold to what people first told me, that this could be eight months to a year in recovery. When it comes to MG, I am an optimist, and I always have been.

The kids go back to college in a few weeks. The house will suddenly be very empty for MG. That's frightening. Not that we don't have people willing to stay with her because we do. But it won't be the same.
But I figure we have three weeks before we get there, and I'm not going to worry about tomorrow when today has worries enough of its own.